My home Internet is down at the moment, so blogging is proving a little tricky.
Should be back up and running next week. In the meantime, training’s going ok and the big news is entries are open for 24 hours of exposure. I’m in!
The Red Pill Ride
I’ll be there.
Rob Lee: Endurance Within – Invest now – Crowdfunder
Rob Lee: Endurance Within – Invest now – Crowdfunder.
Rob is a pretty inspirational guy. Multiple endurance race winner, and the brains (and brawn) behind some epic mountain bike challenges.
He is self-publishing his book, and looking for crowdfunding. I’ve just invested. He’s nearly at his target. Maybe you can contribute too?
Self-doubt
I still get reminders. Days that feel as hopeless and dark as they used to.
Luckily they are relatively few and far between. They still don’t feel any less real, or any easier to deal with. In some ways it feels like there is more to lose. I’m daring to dream, daring to do more than that. I’m daring to back myself again and put trust in my own ability, drive and my own sense of who I am.
But that allows for self-doubt to creep in. Whether it be work, relationships, money, or just whether I like myself very much. I question myself. Am I really good enough/fit enough/strong enough to achieve my racing goals? Am I driven/committed/intelligent enough to find a job I excel in and enjoy? Will I actually end up in a relationship where I am happy and make the other person happy? Does it matter? It’s not life or death… in fact, for the most part I’m not even risking hurting anyone else. Perhaps I should stop being so self-obsessed.
I’ve thrown away a proverbial safety blanket of doing only what I know I can do. I’ve started taking more risks again. Nothing special in many ways. Nothing that any normal person wouldn’t associate with living a full life. I’m trusting my mental strength to see me through. So, when my head has a wobble, it is that much harder.
Today, I had a wobble. No specific reason behind it. I woke up feeling panicked, empty and deeply low. A horrible, introverted, unattractive self-loathing. I’ve done nothing all day. I’ve not wanted to communicate. I’ve not wanted to do, or be anything. I’ve not told anyone… in fact, I’ve had no direct communication with anyone all day. Not even the electronic kind. I don’t want it.
I hate that I’ve lost a day… but while my head feels unable to comprehend being able to do anything with what remains of Sunday, already I have a tiny chink of optimism about Monday. I want to run. I want to feel damp, clammy, cold autumn air fill my lungs, sweat condense on my base layer, cold muscles warming from the inside out. Maybe, after that, things will feel a little brighter, a little more achievable again.
A 24 hour adventure. Planning.
Work. Pretty important all in all. It keeps me in bike parts, if nothing else. It’s been a hectic few weeks though, with some big deadlines looming. There will be a something of a lull next week, all being well, so I’m taking the opportunity to take a day off and have myself a little adventure.
The plan:
- Drive up Tuesday night/very early Wednesday morning
- Park up at Kinlochleven
- Ride a yet to be planned loop of some of the East side of the Mamores, ticking off at least one Munro
- Stop at the Clachaig Inn on the way home
- Drive into the night
- Sleep for a few hours
- Return to work on Thursday, physically tired, but with the all important adventure bank back in credit
So tonight, I’ll be having fun with OS Explorer 392, and a beer and a highlighter pen. Perfect.
Quote of the day
“your pain is not special”
Always worth remembering when all you want to do is climb off your bike and give up.
Made in Iceland
More inspiration. Beautifully shot film. Incredibly mellow pace, and surprisingly moving.
Think I need to go to Iceland.
INTO THIN AIR
I like watching films about cycling. It has been a very long time since I’ve seen one that has grabbed me by the heart like this one does. I can almost taste the thin, dry mountain air. It instills a deep longing within me to want to be there. Share their experience. Brilliant.
Genesis?
1:1 – In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
1:2 – And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
1:3 – And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Autumn is well and truly upon us. That means limited daylight hours. That means less riding, doesn’t it?
I’ve never been a huge fan of night riding. Expensive lights, can’t go as quick as you would during the day, and generally, well… it’s dark. But I need to keep getting the miles in at the moment. I also want to avoid the turbo trainer as much as possible. It’s not that I can’t stand it, but sitting in the house, turning pedals and watching the TV is a little soul destroying after a while.
I have never owned a decent set of night lights, but have been lucky enough to borrow various units over the years. One thing has always put me off buying a set for myself. Cost. £300+ for lights?? Well, technology evolves, LEDs get brighter, batteries get smaller and lighter. The internet makes the world smaller.
So for a little over £150, including postage I plumped for this package. 1600 lumens. That’s quite a lot. 2 x 2hour batteries (assuming you run the light on full power the entire time, which seems like it’ll be a bit unnecessary). First impressions are that the light unit is, er, light and dinky. The batteries seem pretty well sealed, and are smaller than I imagined. The kit came with some O-rings to mount the light to a handlebar, and a helmet strap, plus a charger, connecting cables and extensions and stuff. Ready to rock.
I’ve charged both batteries, and can’t wait to get out and try them out properly. I’ll keep updating my views in reviews.
Cairngorms Loop
So, following on from my post earlier this week, I entered the Caingorms Loop.
…then had an email saying it was already full. Arse. Steve has sensibly kept numbers super low, aiming to minimise impact and keep the “out there” ethos of the event. Fair dos. I’m currently 7th reserve, so hopefully I’ll still get to ride. It is only a month after 24 solo, so I should be in good shape, regardless.
Some exciting new trails coming to South Wales
Sometimes you can’t beat some trail-centre thrashing. This nicely shot video shows some new trails on their way in an area that is already well-blessed with some cracking riding.
Well done Tim!
Top result for team VeloCake at Huddersfield go-cross a couple of weeks back.
Patisserie Cyclisme
My friend Lou has been working on this website for a good few months now, and I think it’s a brilliant idea. It’s fair to say that it is still a work in progress for her, but it is a great little cafe review website, viewed through a cyclist’s eyes.
Bikes, coffee, cake, what is there not to like?
Lou is always looking for people to submit review. Help her make it a comprehensive tool for all cyclists.
Recovery drink
Not *technically* recommended, but it tastes damn good. Thanks to my mate Dan who brought me back this selection of Belgian beers after a recent trip to Bruges.
Multi-day endurance mountain biking, UK style
Over the last few years, I’ve regularly followed races like the GDR, Tour Divide and CTR with a mixture of awe, envy and curiosity. The prospect of racing day-after-day is an interesting one.
Positives:
-I get to ride, lots, and lots
-I get to travel long distances and see a variety of landscapes, with added benefit of “going somewhere”, rather than doing laps
-I get to deliberate and ponder kit choices for days, weeks, months
Negatives
-These kind of events tend to be pretty expensive to get to
-Riding day after day after day wears you down, physically and mentally
-Wet kit, smelly kit, injuries, eating for fuel rather than pleasure
-I decide I need lots of new kit which costs lots of money
Well, there has been a small group of UK based racers, who have obviously been having similar thoughts, and are keen to bring the ethos of those races to our shores. And, just like buses, two might have come along at once. I’m bristling with excitement at the prospect of both races. The best thing about them both for cash-strapped boy like me, is that there is no entry fee for either, due to the self-sufficient nature of the riding.
The Cairngorms Loop particularly appeals to me… it is one of my favourite parts of the world, and the relative remoteness of the riding is a real bonus.
Not long enough for ya? Well, how about the EWE (England-Wales-England)? Looking like 800+ miles.
I’d love to do both in 2012. Let see how things go, hey?
Shopping list
Lights
New bibshorts
Mud CX tyres
New road rear tyre after slashing a nearly new Ultremo 
And that’s ignoring the fact that:
a) The brakes on the singlespeed have been on their last legs for a year
b) I’m not even close to sourcing/being able to afford a (MTB) race bike for next year
c) Tax, MOT and service are due on the car in the next month
d) I’d like to get my friends and family Christmas presents, ideally
e) And keep a roof over my head
Might be time to look at what I can ebay, and take it from there.
Psychology
Superb article about Victoria Pendleton. Winning isn’t easy, even if you are one of the best.
Dramatic, much?
A quick road ride
Spots in front of my eyes. Halos of white around multi-coloured pits of black. Tunnel vision. It doesn’t matter, I know where I’m going.
Rasping acid lungs, struggling to find a rhythm. Any consistent pattern of breath will do. I’m fighting a losing battle to bail out the carbon dioxide coursing through my veins. There isn’t long to go in the strange personal race between oxygen debt and my front door. I love, hate, love ending on short climb. Today I might not bother sprinting for home. I might sit up now and cruise in. It’s not a race. I’ve done the hard work over the last few hours. This is just an unnecessary flourish. I stand up on the pedals.
Small muscles and tendons that rarely get to make themselves known are complaining, but that fades in comparison to the familiar deep, dark, creeping, all consuming ache in my thighs. Veins and arteries stand proud under taut skin, stained with road grime, salt and god knows what. The leather lace that is permanently knotted around my right wrist looks like it has been dyed black.
All sound has become white noise. The left-hand earphone is swinging from my helmet strap, penduluming in time with my faltering cadence. I’m too tired to replace it. I’m not listening anyway. And who cares, I’m nearly home. When I set off this morning, I savoured the sound of 110psi rolling over newly laid tarmac. The same tyres have seen potholes, wet autumn leaves, a cheeky bit of gravel and a variety of surfaces in between. My world has shrunk to a patch of land less than an inch wide and infinitely long. Except I’m near the end for today.
With one last, pathetic pedal stroke I pass the finish line outside my house and continue to roll, grabbing handfuls of gears, soft pedalling down the gentle slope, before conducting an awkward u-turn and barely spinning the pedals back to my door. I conduct an equally graceless dismount and fumble blindly for the door key, safely zipped away in a back pocket. Ineffectual, numb hands paw at the lock and door handle.
I peel off damp layers with the flexibility of a toy robot. Each layer is discarded on the short walk to the kitchen. Helmet, gloves, shoes, socks, jersey, vest. Bib straps are peeled off each shoulder and left to hang. Legs are borderline cramping.
Water tastes beautifully pure after hours of sticky energy drinks and gels. I sit down on the kitchen chair and observe my body steadily beginning to relax.
I’ve finished my own personal race for the day. It’s never enough though.
projectenduranceracer 